Saturday, August 6, 2011

One Phallus, Under God, With Liberty and Justice For All.

On the Fourth of July, I went to the Devine Madman’s Monastery.  The Madman, or Lama Drukpa Kuenley, is a figure from the 15th century who is a bad ass to say the least.  He blessed women by having sex with them, and he is the reason Bhutanese paint penises on their homes.  Along with celebrating sex and fertility, legend has it, Drukpa Kuenley created Bhutan’s national animal, the takin.

When it comes to saints, in my book, this guy wins.  Being the smart ass he was, when some people asked him to perform a miracle, he decided to have some fun.  He looked at his lunch, which was a goat and a cow, combined the two animals, and created the takin… maybe the dumbest and ugliest animal to ever exist.  The Takin is in a taxonomy category of its own, and science tells us the Devine Madman is cool because of this.

My Fourth of July was spent at the Madman’s monastery of fertility.  While you were BBQ-ing and watching fireworks, I was being blessed over the head by an ancient wooden phallus and a bow and arrow.  No hamburgers or beer for me, but at least I got a wiener.

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