Excerpts From a 5 minute Monologue in Which I Said Nothing, Only Nodded:
“Madam if you eat meat, eggs and cheese, your farts will smell the worst. If you eat other things, they will not smell as bad…. Also, the average person farts 14 times per day. Did you know that?”
Joke told by a sixth grade student in a country that has a high rate of alcoholism and a ban on smoking:
“Mam, I walked into a room and I saw a man smoking a cigarette! I was soooo shocked, I dropped my beer bottle!”
6th grade student’s cartoon with the Prime Minister and another man giving speeches behind podiums:
Man: “We should ban smoking.”
PM: “Yah, what he said.”
Interaction with a student who really did not want to be on the maintenance staff rotation:
Me: “Hey, I have noticed you have not been doing your job, and I am feeling pretty tired of asking you. Lets make a deal. If you do your job of sweeping the class today without me asking, you may be looking at an early retirement.”
Student: “Can I resign?”
Later that day:
Student: “Madam, I did my job. May I retire?”
Me: (Bursting into surprise song and dance) “You’re the best… around! No one’s ever gonna bring you down! You’re the best.. around!" (Singing loudly and dancing towards him until he turned around and walked out. It was a happy end of the work day to all!)
What to say when your student is crushing up chalk on his desk:
“Unless that’s the good stuff, throw it out.”
Written in a Venn Diagram comparing Madam Jennifer and a 5th grade VERY MUCH EMERGING “ENGLISH LANGUAGE LEARNER”:
Things Madam Likes: to drink
Journal Entry by a Grade 5 Student:
“Over my break I went to Africa. I saw black mans and black womans. I was scared at first. I am not any more.“
Things to say to your remedial literacy class in order to motivate them to take the next step in reading phonetically:
“C’mon! Everyone loves four letter words!”
Similes/Metaphors Written by Grade 5 Students:
The woman’s face was so shocked that it looked like a doll.
The girl was larger than a beer. (with a picture of a bear under it)
He screamed louder than a cat who had gotten a pin prick on the butt.
Maybe it is that I hate cats or that I think the idea of scared faces resembling blow up dolls in Bhutan is hilarious. On that note, I must reassure you that the English Language Learner has never seen me booze it up, he just had a lost in translation moment. Bottom line is that, I don’t think I am the only creep who thinks this is too good to not share as public knowledge.
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