Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I am a jerk. Maybe you like it.

What I have learned to do when people speak of ‘perspectives’ and think they are so enlightened they should teach everyone (a lot):

Zone out.  Say little.

What I do when I get called out for this behavior:

Respond accordingly.

Here is the message I received tonight after a long one-sided conversation:

Him: “Hey there, make my day, prove me rite - be a dumb blond and give me your cell number.”

(Let the pissing contest begin.)

Me: “Bummer you weren't in my class when I taught my students not to overgeneralize the "magic e". Rite? We all know overgeneralizing is not good.”

Cliffnotes of a long paragraph response from him:  Blah blah blah… “touched a raw nerve rite ... all this just comes from a culture that does not even have a word called - 'low self esteem'” blah blah blah… give me your number if you want to hear about me.

Me: “Heard all about it. Any other questions? Oh wait... Cheers. Goodnight.”

Maybe he thought it would be a better idea to hit on the English teacher and not the dumb blond.

Him: “So what is the magic e?  I always liked ornithology.”

Me: “The study of birds?”

Him: “No the study of words like ‘splash’ and ‘crash’.”

Me: “Well, I am teaching onomatopoeia next month after I teach the study of birds.  Onomatopoeia will be a 10 minute mini lesson because there is not much to it.”

Him: Can I come?  Can I get your number?

Me: “Gotta get to bed. Good times.  ‘Bam!’ ‘Crash!’ ‘Wow!’  I know how you like your onomatopoeia "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!"

Him: “But no really… can I get your number?”

Dear bird loving, onomatopoeia scholar:

If you are reading this, please know that it is only a “perspective”.  All in good fun… and no, you cannot have my number.

P.S. I know an English teacher who can define self-esteem for you.

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